DR JULIEREES

Kissing Toads (2015) 

 

This project began as a response to the complexities of defining the risks of disappointment associated with online dating for some women searching for love and a committed relationship. Its conceptual aims were to visually explore how desire is modified and expressed in mediated texts sent via online dating applications and to question the source of romantic ideals.

 

With this body of work, I aimed to create an installation that deviates from the fast-paced world of online dating to a slower, more reflective space to consider the consequences of desire. I incorporated the lived experiences of the women who participated in this research by using parts of the recorded interviews (audio) in the installation. Furthermore, my aim was to create a contemplative environment where one is not immediately involved in online dating—but instead reflecting on it. It is important to reflect on everyday behaviour especially about desire and how it motivates those that participate in online dating. The installation provides a reflective environment that the body negotiates. In this way, it mirrors the online dating terrain that engages the body.

 

The objective of this work was to create an environment where audience members could consider the potential consequences of desire experienced in online dating. The work demonstrates the importance desire has on one’s emotional state and the way these effects act together to produce change within the subject. Using language as a core material ensures accessible communication in articulating desire that is more relevant to the contemporary context of online dating communities. In addition to this, I integrated moving images and sound within the installation space to engage the viewer so as to provide an interactive experience (where the women participants’ voices spoke for themselves). The cinematic elements were positioned within the installation to portray the emotional fluctuations associated with online dating and to question the origins of our romantic ideals and whether they are outdated. Furthermore, incorporating projections in the installation served to question the source of preconceived ideals that may consciously or unconsciously underpin any newly forged notion of romance.

 

Description

 

Kissing Toads (2015) is a mixed-media installation that combines sculptural letters, sound, two video projections, and pin spot pointed lighting. The work includes a sequence of mediated texts that trace a brief romance from initial contact through to the end. The texts were based on actual messages received by the research participants. The installation amplifies what women are quite likely to encounter while searching for love and commitment online. The work investigates the risk of disappointment and the consequences of submitting to one’s immediate desires for intimate companionship. Aaron Ben-Ze’ve argued, “Individuals that meet online and immediately set-up a face-to-face meeting have a low success of developing a meaningful relationship” (2004, 56). In other words, rushing into an immediate introduction could jeopardise the development of a meaningful connection in the future. However, for the inexperienced, the risk of disappointment can be dismissed, with desire driving the online dater in pursuit of their romantic ideals. The narrative recounts a short-lived romance told from the perspective of an online dater. To emphasise the risk of disappointment, the work moves along a register from desire to loss. Kristyn Gorton suggests, “once … [an online dating user] loses their co-ordinates of desire, [they] must re-map and re-coordinate through loss” (2008, 123). In this way, desire is figured in terms of how it can move individuals. 

 

Jean-Claude Kaufmann warns us,

 

Many online dating users plan their dates in the same way that they plan the rest of the weekend, choosing between meeting someone ‘for a drink’, reading a novel or going to the movies. (2012, 96).

 

For this reason, online romances tend to be more spontaneous, casual, and brief. According to Ben-Ze’ve, the problem lies with “the availability of an alternative, which has profound implications for the nature of online romantic relationships” (2004, 76). It is obvious at least to some degree that one must be cautious with whom they communicate when searching for love and commitment online.

 

 

Kissing Toads consists of 180 letters, audio of interview recordings, and two videos projected onto adjoining walls. The freestanding letters spell out actual mediated texts sourced from the online dating research participants. Smaller letters and numbers placed on the floor depict the date and time of the messages received. The mediated texts state:

 

 

‘Hey gorgeous, nice pic lets meet for a drink (Apr 2, 7:29 am)’

‘You are hot (Apr 3, 6:47 pm)’

‘Had a good time last night (Apr 3, 8:41 pm)’

‘Sorry I’m busy (Apr 5, 6:33 pm)

‘I can do tonight (Apr 10, 2:15 pm)’

‘We need to talk (Apr 10, 12:10 am)’

‘I don’t feel a spark (Apr 12, 6:52 pm)’

 

The selected mediated text elements spell out seven phrases of an online dating experience. The first phrase is the initial invitation to meet the user offline. The first meeting with an online connection is similar to a new beginning; it is dramatic, exciting, and addictive. It marks a sudden break from any past online communications and gives hope that a relationship is possible.

 

Flirting via mediated text enables dating application users to express enjoyable and frivolous forms of communication. Therefore, the next phrase, ‘You are hot’, highlights the role flirting has upon the subsequent stages of online relationships. Given that mediated text lacks many types of sensory information, the online user looking for love must be sensitive to every signal conveyed by the other person to assess the accuracy of the type of relationship being pursued.

 

Immediately after the second phrase, the narrative moves through to the words ‘Had a good time last night’. The perception of any ‘meet up’ will determine the level of emotional intensity. In an interview with Ready4u, she explained that after meeting a particular connection, she instantly developed strong feelings. She stated, “I had strong feelings for this one guy, the emotions were overwhelming. I did not know I could even feel that way about someone” (interview with the author, 29 April 2014). The conflict arises when one participant hopes the affair will develop into a committed romantic relationship, and the other does not share the same interest.

 

The fourth phrase, ‘Sorry I’m busy’ is a text that all the research participants experienced at some point during their online participation. During my interviews with the research participants, they all agreed that this is a euphemistic way for an individual to express their unwillingness to pursue a relationship. Although not all messages of this type are encoded with a hidden message, one should be mindful that it could be a sign of the other’s unwillingness to further the relationship.

 

The next mediated text, ‘I can do tonight’, was one that Bunnybo received a number of times from different people. For her, this reply demonstrates the relationship’s uncertainty. Bunnybo relayed that she believes this message translates to “I have struck out with other prospects so I might as well see you again” (text message to the author, 26 April 2014). One risk for online dating users is to take mediated text too seriously. If this occurs, it is more likely that one will be at the mercy of the new connection.  Consequently, it could lead to performing and acting on a number of immediate desires and, in this case, having sexual relations with someone who does not want a commitment in an effort to attain or hold the other’s interest.

 

The sixth mediated text featured in Kissing Toads is ‘We need to talk’, and finally, the narrative ends with the words ‘I don’t feel a spark’where the sender ends their short-lived affair. In this work, the recipient’s expectations blurred the distinction between reality and fantasy by over-embellishing the other user’s virtues. For this online dater, submitting to her immediate desires for companionship led to an unexpected heartbreak.

 

The research participants acknowledged that a conflict exists between their expectations that love should happen suddenly and dramatically and the reality of loving relationships they have experienced. All the research participants concurred that romance films have unrealistically provided a set of expectations about love. Cheekygirl articulated:

 

When I look at the movies, I see strong men who can make decisions and take care of their women, but when I meet men in real life, they seem the opposite. Maybe one day I will meet someone strong and capable. (Interview with author, 29 April 2014).

 

Even though the participants have tried to dispense with these notions, they admitted that they are still quite invested in the ideals entrenched in romance. The work presents a layered and immersive experience for the viewer, where a journey of the contradictions of desire is experienced and, to some degree, the source of romantic illusion is questioned (where real-life and cinematic ideals collide). This positions the viewer in the environment so that they can reflect on the ideas and make up their minds.

 

The moving image clips evoke the emotional fluctuations associated with online dating. Furthermore, the two films were chosen to consider the polarised ideals and experiences of online dating. The Best Years of Our Lives (1950), directed by Dave Miller while the second is drawn from Our Very Own (1946), directed by William Wyler. The first scene is drawn from ideals and experiences of the online dating participants’ expectations and actualities.

 

 

The scene depicted in Our Very Own is a representative sample of an ideal love commonly depicted in romantic films of this era. The eight-and-half-second clip displays a view of a young couple on the beach in a passionate embrace. The projection marks the influence of fantasised ideals. Although pretence and make-believe are valuable and enjoyable aspects of loving and relating, it has opposite effects when such romantic fantasies are not fulfilled. The 26-second clip from The Best Years of Our Lives shows a mother consoling her upset daughter. The clip is meant as a nod to the contemporary online dater’s hurt feelings when their relationship unexpectedly ends.

 

Collectively, the projections were incorporated to amplify the conflict between fantasy-driven versions of love and the reality of the dating user’s experience. By creating tension between the moving images within the work and referring to the past shows that these values are generationally implanted and remain largely unquestioned. The films are used to underscore that contemporary online daters generally do not question what has informed their ideals. Given the dichotomous play of mixed circumstances, the films create a relay between expectation and actualities.

 

Kissing Toads highlights the inherent risks of searching for a partner online. Jones (2010) warns that “online dating deals in the endorphin rushes and subsequent downers similarly to clients of retail therapy. [A site such as POF] talks the talk of intimate connections but walks the walk of any other commodity market” (Jones 2010, 149). In other words, there is a wide variety of choice on the market but mostly it is just more of the same, with a high number of individuals opting for short-term sexual interactions without ongoing love and commitment. Regardless of past disappointments, online dating can be addictive. But what price do individuals pay for submitting to their short-term desires?

 

The overall interest in producing Kissing Toads was to provide the audience with a glimpse into the private world of an online dater who experiences a short-lived romance gone sour. The narrative sheds light on the everyday encounters experienced by the research participants while seeking a long-term relationship via online dating sites. The intended message of the work is expressive and less didactic about the disappointments of using such sites to find love. Drawing conclusions from the online dating research participants’ experiences, it is evident that their desires for love and commitment may be delayed or ultimately unrealised.

 

Methodologies

 

Kissing Toads employed mixed methods. I drew upon the recorded interviews and texted-based communication to gather insights into dating narratives and the views of the research participants. This provided a deeper awareness of the conditions of online dating that would otherwise be inaccessible, and rich and detailed narratives that helped formulate the creative output. I used parts of the recorded interviews in the installation space for the audience to grasp insights into online dating without having to experience it directly.

 

Gathering stories from the research participants proved to be an important aspect, which assisted in the selection of the most appropriate mediated texts for the work. With over 2,500 messages to choose from, I selected the seven phrases featured in the installation for their ability to encapsulate the type of short-lived online romance commonly experienced by the research participants. Seduction in online dating crucially involves a linguistic component, with ‘chatting up’ as one of its central elements. Key aspects of intimacy are worked out and established via the written word. Therefore, through a combination of freestanding sculptural letters, moving images, sound and, the intention of Kissing Toads is to create tension between fantasy-driven versions of love and the actualities of the dating user’s experience. Transforming mediated text into sculptural letters became an essential process to aid the articulation of my narratives about common dating experiences generated from online dating applications. Presenting the mediated text in a sculptural form invites the viewer to interact with the text within an installation environment where the narrative becomes a phenomenological journey. The installation environment slows our thinking down, and steps aside from faster, immediate, types of communication. It allows viewers to more thoughtfully consider the consequences of online dating decisions. In a sense, the viewer can posit him/herself as the recipient of the mediated text. Providing the date and time emphasises the context of the messages rather than the virtual environment that the project critiques.

 

Watching public domain movies from the 1940/50s aided in sourcing the footage. I used Adobe After Effects as well as Premiere Pro CS6 software methods to edit both videos in this work. I manipulated both scenes by looping, colourising one clip in pink and the other in blue, and slowing down the speed duration. These videos were used to display the waxing and waning effects of desire and to communicate the emotional dramatic highs and lows experienced by the online dating research participants.

 

Kissing Toads aims to offer viewers a glimpse into the private world of an online dater who suffers the effects of a romance gone sour. The work acts as an example of how users interact online in today’s society while illustrating the modern conditions of online dating. Using sculptural letters in my work allowed me to transmit text-based communication narratives linked to the research participants’ experiences of disappointment in a direct way.

 

From the responses gathered from this study’s research participants, there seemed to be three distinguishing patterns. Firstly, the participants find it difficult to discern genuine users looking for love and commitment like themselves from those who are merely looking for short-term, sexual interactions. Secondly, there is a surplus of younger men participating in the POF community. This impacted the research participants’ engagement and experiences online. Thirdly, the participants tend to place too much emotional significance on received mediated text conversations, leading to the intensification of romantic and emotional attitudes towards new connections. Consequently, their hopes and desires increased the encounters of rejection and disappointment while dating online. The results suggest that women looking for love and ongoing commitment who do not impose constraints on their hopes and desires may find themselves experiencing disappointing consequences.